Daily Deals thinks I'm a lady

I'm one of those junkies who likes to get those one-day email coupons.

Based on the type of offers I get, someone thinks I spend all my discretionary income on eating out, massages and dancing. I'm waiting for an offer that combines all three: a massage therapy restaurant where you learn a Zumba lesson before you leave.

It's not enough that I have Groupon but I also have Living Social's Daily Deals. I have double the deals to sort through every morning. This morning I had clear evidence that Groupon knows that I'm a dude and that Living Social believes that I'm a woman in urgent need of grooming.

Groupon's offer: a 60-minute massage or haircut at The Men's Locker Room.

Daily Deals offer: Brazilian wax, haircut, and manicure and pedicure at MAC Salon & Spa

Unfortunately, I am not the typical Groupon or Daily Deals user. About 70 percent of the users of these services are female, ages between 21 and 35, and college-educated. Well, one out of three isn't bad for me. The services tend to offer deals that reflect this customer base. That's why you will see lots of offers for spas and beauty treatments.

There is hope for me still. Recently, Groupon started offering more targeted deals based on location and gender. Here's to hoping I never get another offer for a Brazilian wax again.

Celebs like Charlie Sheen are squeezed by public

Unfiltered access to the public is backfiring for a few celebrities like Charlie Sheen, 50 Cent and Gilbert Gottfried. These celebs are embracing Twitter and webcasts to communicate to the masses. However, the public is responding with an embrace of its own. This embrace could be similar to that of a boa constrictor.

The leader of the social media knuckleheads is Charlie Sheen who began his quest to educate the public about his path to sobriety through traditional broadcast television. He showed how he was a reformed man by providing the results of a recent drug test. Here's a clue Charlie: if you have to produce a successful drug screening to prove that you are on the path to responsibility, there's already a problem. It's like a thief who empties his pockets in an effort to show you that he hasn't stole anything....YET.

Charlie Sheen shows us that a filter 
is sometimes a good thing.

However, Charlie's lunacy escalated once he began live webcasts of himself. His first webcast included his commentary on "Weagle the Eagle," a bald eagle who crashed into a windshield. He also gave us ramblings on about his iPad, his "Winning" tattoo, and NBC correspondent Jeff Rossen. All this takes place while he sweats profusely on the set for 30 minutes. 

By the fourth webcast episode, he is lambasting the president of CBS, the president of Warner Brothers Television, and the creator of Two and a Half Men. Sheen calls these little nuggets of knowledge, "torpedoes of truth." Here's a torpedo of truth for you, Charlie: The public is not amused. A new Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey says that 71% of Americans have an unfavorable impression of you.

Rapper 50 Cent joined the knucklehead party with his lame tweets on the tsunami that hit Japan. 50 Cent started with this, ""Man I hate to say this but the world is coming to a end. Look at japan tell the people you value you love them... US west coast TUSNAMI (sic) watch f**k this I'm going back to new york." He continued with this, ""Hawaii under a watch this s**t is crazy. I can't swim... Now they are saying they know it's gonna hit the west coast damn." Wait, there's more. "Wave will hit 8am them crazy white boys gonna try to go surfing. Look this is very serious people I had to evacuate all my hoe's from LA,Hawaii and Japan. I had to do it. Lol (laugh out loud)." Feedback from his 4 million Twitter fans was severe calling him an "a**hole" and "insensitive."

Gottfried's goose or duck is cooked.

Comedian Gilbert Gottfried was the final guest at the knucklehead party with his Tweet, "I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, 'They'll be another one floating by any minute now." As a result, Gilbert lost his gig as the voice of the AFLAC duck.

Gilbert, next time you want to tweet, try quacking instead. You'll get better results.

Nobody loves you on Facebook

You might be one of those lucky people who always posts a status update that generates interest with your friends. If that is you, congratulations. This blog is not for you. However, if you are a person who frequently posts without a "like" or a comment from your friends or if you are a person that lurks from the sidelines, unwilling to say what's going on in your life, listen up! Here's a few tips to make your status updates better:

It's in the details - It's sometimes nice to know the daily happenings of your friends. But we all go to work, eat lunch, and go to sleep. What makes your daily events different? We are interested in details. What did you hear on the radio on your drive into work? If you mention a hair band from the '80s, be prepared for my response. If you ate lunch, what did you have? If you make me hungry, I will tell you in my reply.

You got questions? - People love to give their opinions. Tell your Facebook friends what your possible plans are and ask for their input . If you are going to the movies, ask what movie you should see. If you are going to the bookstore, ask for ideas for books to buy. If you are going to the hair salon, ask if you should get all your hair cut off. That will get their attention!

Be loud and proud - If you had a good time doing something, be excited. We want to join you. If you had an horrible experience, tell us your misery. We want to counsel you. People aren't interested in learning about  middle of the road experiences. If you can't be excited about the events of your life, why should we be?

Proven winners - If you are following all of these suggestions and still not getting the love on your status updates, try talking about a few reliable topics. These include discussions of food, area sporting teams, your kid's activities or your pets. If I ever mention the words Cheez Its or cookies in my status, I'll always get at least two "likes." If I discuss the pitiful performance of the Chiefs or the Royals, I'll have a line of people waiting to agree with me. Finally, kids and pets are cute. Enough said!

Here's a few other quick tips:

• Rants can be funny and amusing on a limited basis. If you do it frequently, we will send the van with the padded walls for you.

• Don't post every article you read. Your friends know how to find things on the web. It's called Google.

• Don't go overboard with posting quotations. I might not find Larry the Cable Guy to be as inspirational of a character as you do.